Hey guys! So it's been a while, and lots of things have been happening. I'll fill you in on the past months organically, I'm not going over every event before getting started with why I wanted to say hey to you today.
Wednesday < I went in to get my PERMANENT PROSTHESIS on and instead found out that my third implant failed. That makes three out of five that failed, and that's a failing grade folks! Now it's time to figure out another game plan. I thought I was at the finish line and nope, I'm back at the start. I would be lying if I said I weren't devastated. I am shattered. And yet the other half of me is so thankful to be here, because I got my year clear last month! WOW! How awesome is that? And I am beyond grateful to my wonderful creator for more time here, not everyone gets it. So I know what a blessing more time is, and so I am praying that God gives me the correct perspective and strength to remember that my life is continuing on, and the reconstruction isn't everything.
That's what I tell myself, and ultimately I believe it, I do. But this is so hard. If you're going through this, you're not alone. I understand the continuation of exhaustion and scars and sores and mucus blood and sludge from radiation, I understand constant infections, I understand not being able to eat, and I understand the frustration of your life being turned upside down in an instant, and having to relearn things. I understand the outpouring of love from friends and family, but I also understand the poor treatment from employers and possible employers, and from people in the store who assume you're a meth addict because of your lack of teeth and face and instead of offering a smile or just minding their business, they give you a disgusted look because of your appearance or speech. And people tell you to try to be "normal" and get on with things because it'll make you feel better. And they're right, absolutely! If you're able to! The thing is, I need a job, but I can't get past the interview stage as soon as they hear or see me. How can I "be normal" when I cannot get the opportunity to do "normal" things? And looking for a remote job is a job in and of itself! It's always interesting though! lol
So now, here I am, two remaining implants scratching my tongue, and the one that failed literally twisted and is somewhere up there (my brain I guess! lol) now. I'm assuming it's nothing to worry about and they will get it out on Monday! I'm back on soft foods (mush)/liquid diet, so any recipes would be great! Send them my way, I'm constantly looking for new ones. The crockpot is my favorite appliance ever, except for a coffee maker, lol, so if you have any stew recipes or things like that, send them to me, that would be wonderful! Yesterday, I made sweet potato casserole, and that first bite, I forgot I had no teeth and no palate (crazy how our brains do that to us!), so I shoved the bite in and burned the skin and the inside of my nose and it CAME OUT OF MY NOSE!
Y'all...
Y'all...
It was nasty and horrible and I hope that never happens again!! lol
I want to say I'm feeling okay, but I'm not. I will, though, with a lot of prayer and patience. I go Monday for them to take a look at what's going on and for us to come up with a new game plan. Even as I'm writing this, I get strong for the moment and know that everything will be okay. I am just praying for peace and strength constantly!
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